What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 08:44
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
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But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
How is a narcissist likely to handle situations when confronted with hard truths about themselves?
Why did i forgive my father ?
I have no regrets .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
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She wouldn,t have been !
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Why can't we send flat Earthers to space and show them the shape of Earth?
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
What steps can be taken to track down a scammer and determine their location?
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I never cut or harmed myself..
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
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A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Why do guys have better skin than women even though women use more product?
She loved him until the end.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Is parental involvement in their daughters' marriages beneficial? Why or why not?
He was dying to do it , i knew.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I couldn’t, believe it.
All the time i was locked up.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I will be 64.
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We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Why am I not getting any atheists to debate with? Are they scared?
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
So whats the point in blame.
What causes you to be tired all the time and major headaches?
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I could never make a relationship work though!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Especially a lifetime of it.
I don,t even have a pension.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
She found it foreign!.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I write beautiful poetry .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
What did i know ?
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
We all went to grammer schools
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
When she asked me how she looked .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Comes on , in middle age.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He knew the spot.
But, we were locked up after school.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Put me off passion for life!!
My life is so biszare .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I was 9 years of age.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
But it wasn’t much.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
(And it was in our own minds.)
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I was very sick at this time too.
Im still living with it.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
We were not on the streets..
And i lived it daily.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
So, i spoilt her more .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But ive been too sick for many years..
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Would this be the day?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Where the ultimate outsiders.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I said to her
I was scared of men, in general
My family never makes their pension either.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I know ,a lot about trauma.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
She married twice! .
One cannot live in the past .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Who then, do I blame.?
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
This is soul school!.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I was seconnd youngest,
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I think the readers, may guess!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
As i do to all so called friends.?
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Ive learnt so much.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I waited trembling.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She was in good health!
It was going to be , some day.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!